Jimmy Carter and Tim Kaine Win the Debate by Default

September 26, 2016


What is a political campaign without a multitude of conspiracies, especially the ones so far-fetched that even the reality challenged questions its merits?  But what of the one that at first glance seems beyond the realm of logical, but as it is parsed, pondered, and promulgated, edging closer to the remotely possible.  And after a dissection by discourse, it now meanders nearer the corral of plausible.


What if the true Presidential desires of the back room of the Democratic National Congress, was not Hillary Clinton, but Tim Kaine?


A Southern Democrat from a swing state known for his bipartisan work as both Deputy and Governor of Virginia, he has some of the more desirable bona fides. He has some political profile on the national stage, being rumored to be a possible running mate for Obama.


However, he lacked the political cachet to launch a primary run, which the entrail readers already saw as a Clinton/Sanders race.  He reminds some of the other Clinton, the possible First Man to the President.  Southern, charming, and bipartisan, the trifecta of  attributes of the desirable Democrat candidate.  But there is already one Clinton in the race, but he knew his time was coming.


So he waits under the radar as the vice presidential predictions are being proffered. And thus he is the chosen one, the anointed one, much to the delight of the real power in the Democratic Party. The real power is the one known as “coincidence”, where something happens in the Party and no one steps forward to take the credit because the results do not become apparent until there’s a suitable passage of time.


Hillary’s health becomes an issue, but she shoulders on, a tough campaigner proving her worth against the Trump slings and arrows of “not up to the job”.  She slows the pace slightly, but not enough to stoke the embers of rumor into a blazing inferno of innuendo, which by default makes it fact.


The conversation for Hillary’s running-mate may have taken place months ago. The real input could’ve been with Bill in terms of restoring his demeanor and legacy in the way the public views him. The scenario could’ve unfolded the way any other story unfolds.


Bill may have told Hillary, “Hey honey, we have to think about the future of the Democratic Party.” Hillary responds with, “I told you many times not to call me honey, you have caused me more misery and pain than any other man in my life, and if I lose this election you know that it’s going to be entirely your fault.”


“Ok”, Bill says in an effort to calm her down. “All I’m saying honey is that we can’t move the party towards the left, we may lose our future position in the party, our dynasty may come to an end let alone what I achieved for the American people. We’ve got to think about Chelsea and her future; she could lead this country one day. We can not have the progressive wing of the party control the status quo. We can not have these petty Sanders donors giving us a few bucks here and there. We need the billionaires; we need the movie stars, that’s America.”  


Bill continues, “Remember honey, every time I campaign for you I tell Americans whenever they vote for Hillary, and if Hillary wins, they will get two which includes me. That is woman empowerment.


“Yeah, woman empowerment,” Hillary whispered.


Bill smiled, “Honey you sound like a broken record. Sometimes you turn on the tape and out comes the sound. It’s not my fault. Epstein invited you to go to orgy island, and you said no. When I arrived there he was disappointed. Ever since then I’ve never cheated on you.”


“The only problem we have is Jimmy Carter. He goes around building all these houses for Americans. The man knows how to use a hammer, and when he croaks I bet you any money that hammer will end up in the Smithsonian Institute. He builds houses for poor women, African Americans, Latinos, everyone that can’t afford housing. My foundation does not fare good in the public eye. Don’t worry about Gennifer Flowers, I gave her $800,000 to keep her mouth shut for the debates. Rest assured I have everything rigged. Once the debate is over the New York Times and Washington Post will declare you as winner. You’re gonna’ thank me for that honey.”


Hillary places her hand on her forehead, “I need rest. I just need rest.” Bill goes in to embrace her and is immediately denied. “Don’t touch me Bill, I said I need rest.” Dejected, Bill tells Hillary, “If you get ill we need to think about Chelsea. Pick Timmy.”


A Clinton returns to the White House triumphantly and after a suitable passage of time, she releases a short note to the nation, which could read, in part: “Due to some health complications and upon the advice of some of the finest medical minds in the country, it is with great regret that I must resign the Presidency of the United States.”


And the chosen shall be President.  Preposterous? Outrageous? Sterling-esque? (A Twilight Zone reference….Google it)


Is the Trump campaign aware of this?  Probably yes, even in the eyes of the political pundits the Trump campaign is not that stupid.  But how do they fight it?  Attacking Kaine sends the message that they cannot beat Hillary so let’s try to undermine number two?  Would you have counted it a victory over Batman if you took out Robin?  Well Robin is gone and Batman protects Gotham to this very day.  There is no upside for the Republicans in this, which makes it part of the strategic move by the Democrats.


Miraculously, when the NBC SurveyMonkey Weekly Election Tracking Poll came out, Hillary was ahead 5% nationally against Trump. This gave Hillary the option to get some much needed rest. However in the back of the mind of Trump, it plagued him, “Hillary Clinton is taking the day off again, she needs the rest. Sleep well Hillary – see you at the debate!”


President Tim Kaine. As preposterous a thought as at the outset, I think not. Think about if, mull it over, play the devil’s advocate, and in the end it comes down to: could it?




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