Solving the Girl Code

January 15, 2017

One of my employees decided to give me a “deal” on a hotel room. Mind you, it cost him $525 and he asked if I wanted it for $300. I asked, “Why would you even book such an expensive room for a night?” He replied, “It’s a treat for my girlfriend, I wanted to surprise her, but last night she told me she had feelings for someone else and now I don’t really want it.”


I smiled, “Listen thank you, but my weekends are better spent in my backyard with a beer in my hand.” However I thought to myself if the “deal” was good enough, I could turn it over and make a profit by pawning it to my friends. I looked at him, “Is $100 ok?” He refused telling me that he may just go alone.


Two hours passed and he came up to me. His girlfriend’s friend sent him a text he wanted to show me. The text read: I heard you’re going through some relationship problems. I care deeply about you and your relationship with my friend. I was saddened and couldn’t believe it. I’m here for you, I hope everything works out fine with the both of you. But you have to understand she’s confused, she doesn’t get it. It’s no different than my relationship where sometimes I just want to call my ex just to see what he’s up to. It really means nothing. It just looks like her ex boyfriend just called out of the blue and all those feelings just rushed back to her.


We both stared laughing at the text. “Hey buddy,” I told him. “Looks like your investment is back online. If you’re asking me this is a great opportunity, trust me this woman’s into you. Just give her a call and ask her out. Don’t tell her you have a room, just tell her you’re going out to dinner. If things work out hand her an envelope with the key. Just tell her you’ve got some pizza and 7UP and a movie to watch.”


He looked confused, “That means on top of the $525 I’ll be buying an extra meal, a movie to watch, and 7UP? My budget’s already blown, plus what if she says no?” I was stunned, the man was right, why not just tell her the damn truth straight from the beginning?


I got up from my desk, “Ok listen just tell her you’ve got a nice room that you want her to come to. Remember that the truth is the best, she’s got a thing for you anyways. If she says no I’ll give you $100, end of story.”


He shook his head, “How about girl code? I may just look like an idiot.” I put my hand on his shoulder, “What is a girl code? A theory that we can assume exists? Where’s the empirical evidence of girl code? Is there a statistic that determines the girl code? The only thing that exists is opportunity, that’s the code where investment is realized and profit is determined. I never grew up with a girl code, no one ever told me about it. What does it mean?”


I continued, “I suppose it means her girlfriend can not go out with you. Am I right? Or perhaps she has loyalty to her girlfriend rather than opportunity? Remember your girlfriend is confused, but the other girl is not.”


He laughed and decided to go for it. “You’re right, let’s do it, I can’t be right all the time eh?” He texted the girl and told her about the room. He could sense her excitement as she quickly agreed. She told him she’d call him after work to confirm.


Three hours later we heard his phone ring. He stepped outside, I could tell he was arguing with someone. It was his mother castigating him. She told him there was no way he would get the car for the weekend and that if she heard another girlfriend complaining about him that there’d be a heavy price to pay. He blamed me but I told him, “Hey c’mon look at the bright side, at least we proved that the theory does exist after all.”


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