Only When She Blinks

March 9, 2017

Dreams seem to exist and thrive in the face of darkness. It is the dark shadow that follows her everywhere. Even the love follows her everywhere. As soon as she blinks, there are no stars that can shine more brightly than the anxiety that someone is watching her. Next to her in bed lies her lover. She can’t stop loving the man next to her simply because he exists. It is the chambers of darkness that this woman can not love herself. If she does, she needs to regain her footing.


She knows how to play the game and understands that this man loves her. It is pitch black and she stares into the darkness, she tells them that she loves this man and won’t stop loving him. “I can not replenish the love I have. I gave it to him and I can not avoid the darkness or the perverse world. I combine my flaws with his. How much can my heart hold before I wake up in the middle of the night desperately hoping that the one I love wakes up? My soul is the same as his and I can not distinguish the truth. How can you judge the life I love? Watch me and allow my world to exist in front of you, let me create my future.”


She continues to look into the darkness without blinking and pleads her case. The game continues. Everything that is born must die. If that is the case then take me for the brutality that you have given me. Again she whispers into the darkness. “He is the one that I share my hopes and my dreams. I share my disappointment for the fact that I can cry for today and tomorrow. Whatever laughter he has may be infrequent for that they exist in his memories and are vivid; no different than you. He is the only person in my life that is worthwhile and I am not capable of saying goodbye today, tomorrow, or in the future.”


“This is what you’ve given me before; you’ve given me a beast. You made sure that he grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up against the wall as he smashed my face with his knuckles. You made sure that he grabbed my hands and bent them backwards, breaking all my fingers. It was the terror that brought me to my knees and made me unworthy of anything. No love, no hate, and no semblance of family could ever exist for me. Whatever hell you gave me was worthy of the justice you gave me.”


“He punched me in the stomach, kicked me in the thigh, and even when I ran he came after me. You allowed this abuse to continue. He dislocated my shoulder and that gave you pleasure. But it wasn’t just the pleasure of you seeing that, it was the pleasure of you witnessing my fear.”


“How can any woman ever leave when a part of her soul hesitates to say that this man loves her and that she was responsible for his abuse; no different than the responsibility that you hold today. You allowed me to be apologetic to take him back for no other reason than you making me believe that I needed him. But now the story and the game changes for no other reason than me loving this man next to me. Whatever world you bring me into doesn’t revolve around love anymore; it is the fact that you have to witness it. You isolated me and for this I fell in love. If you must kill then kill me and not the man I love today. If you must worship something then worship what you have witnessed today: that I’ve given everything to this man and I will not blink until this game ends now.”


“Who will understand what I feel tonight? Whatever facial wounds I have are my own. Whatever embarrassments I have are my own and I will hide it with the severity and abuse you’ve given me.” She heard a sound that made no sense to her. She pleaded, “Do not kill this man that lies next to me. The quiet whisper lying next to me is the soul that gave me life and I refuse to relinquish anything. She did not blink; she just stared into the darkness and heard the noise transcending from a different dimension.


The room got bigger and the sound now came from somewhere else. The computer screen was illuminated by a bright light. All you could hear was a child jumping from his seat. “Daddy, kill them now. Kill them now.” The father grabbed the child by the throat and told him, “You’ve got to learn how to play the game. The only time you can slaughter them is when she blinks. Can’t you see that she has finally found someone to love?”


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